Urine Trouble, and Other Unoriginal Puns

Urinal cakes in New Mexico are talking. If you were a urinal cake, what would you say? I doubt it would be anything akin to the messages delivered by those manufactured by Healthquest Technologies, Inc. The Santa Fe deodorizers are helpful, polite, even cheery reminders not to get behind the wheel if you've had one too many.
    There are many problems with this innovation of lavatorial technology, least of which is that they used a woman's voice. Were I a urinal cake, I would be neither polite nor cheery. In fact, I would be downright grumpy. Imagine a job that entails having drunk losers pee all over your face every day; would you enjoy it? Not unless you're Paris Hilton. (zing!)
    We went to the street and asked some everyday urinals just like you what they would say to a potential drunk driver obliging them of their services. Here are some of the answers we got: